Sex & Money
Sex and money. Have you ever thought about what it takes to have a sexy, romantic relationship that’s reflected in your finances?
This is a fascinating conversation to be engaged in! And today, we’re going to dive right into it with these two edgy topics for couples — Sex & Money!
“The dynamics in your romantic relationship come out in the financial partnership you share. ”
Have you ever thought about how the patterns in your romantic relationship get mirrored in your finances? After working with lots of couples, I have definitely seen this correlation!
Therefore, if you want to change financial partnership dynamics with your lover, you have to.. You guessed it, change or evolve the dynamic at the core of your relationship!
What have you noticed in your relationships? Have you noticed these correlations with sex and money? If so, what has that looked like for you?
Casting a clear vision for your relationship
The first thing you can do to align your romantic relationship and your financial partnership, is to take some time with your partner to set a solid, crystal clear intention for the kind of relationship you most desire.
How do you want it to feel, on a day-to-day basis? Turned on? Generous? Powerful? Prosperous? Passionate? Connected?
Develop a vision, and turn it into an intention you can both partake in.
For example, do you feel turned on when you talk about money together? If not, do you even believe that is a possible experience to have?
“Now, with your intention in place, you can begin to assess every aspect of your finances and see how they measure up to your intentions.”
When you’re seeing something that doesn’t match up with your intentions, there are action steps you can take to get closer to your intention, knowing that your commitment to continue to evolve along with the process will benefit not only the flow of your money but also the quality of your relationship.
So get honest.
What’s your relationship vision? What kind of partnership turns you on, brings you alive, gets you excited and inspired?
Creating polarity to ignite passion
If you want a lot of masculine/feminine polarity in the relationship, which creates sexual tension and passion, you probably don’t want to be splitting up your expenses on a 50/50 basis.
“Have you ever noticed that splitting up finances 50/50 creates a platonic relationship instead of a passionate, sexually activated relationship?”
What I’ve often seen in my own experience and with my financial coaching clients, is that when the masculine pays more, there is more passion in the relationship. This could just be for a dinner, or for living expenses, or travel for example. It can just be in one area or in all areas, even if the feminine makes more money!
This is in part because of human biology, the masculine naturally holds more of a protector/provider energy and the feminine holds more of a receptive/supportive energy.
When the feminine and the masculine embrace and embody their energetic role in the relationship, the relationship naturally becomes more fruitful on all levels, including your financial flow as a couple.
Empowering the masculine to make financial decisions
Something I’ve learned from my mentor, is that it can be empowering for the masculine to feel his virility and strength through the way he generates income and how he decides those resources should be allocated.
Sometimes the allocation might look like him paying more than a 50/50 split, but what I’ve found works really well with couples is to give him the chance to decide and fully own that decision.
The 50/50 split can at times work for couples, but most of the time, when I’ve noticed with the couples who come to me for financial coaching is that both partners complain the passion in the relationship isn’t particularly strong. There’s generally a lack of polarity that’s taken root, and keeps things stagnant or unexciting. The more polarity, the more sexual tension. This is the kind of energetic dynamic that ignites PASSION.
On the surface, that may seem disempowering for the feminine. However, the empowering opportunity here, is for the feminine to embrace her role as the receptive pole in the relationship. She can complement the masculine by supporting his decision. She can empower her man by releasing expectations (which often create disappointment!), and fully embracing her partner’s decision. When this happens, the masculine naturally rises up and feels his desire to do the right thing for the relationship.
“These energies can shift and be in both men and women, but the key is experimenting with the finances to see what brings more passion into your sex life.”
If your sex life is less than ideal, take a look at your money.
If your sex life is suffering with your partner, take a look at what’s happening with the finances.
Some good questions to ask yourself if your sex life is suffering:
✔ Are you splitting everything 50/50?
✔ Are there any resentments building up because of certain money conversations haven’t taken place?
✔ Is the man earning less than the woman and therefore funky energetic dynamics are happening in the allocation of resources?
✔ Is one person saving the other person financially?
✔ Is one person being controlling around the finances?
✔ Do you have regular money conversations?
By going through these questions and identifying what is really happening in the financial partnership, you have the opportunity to do things in a new way and bring more sexual activation into the relationship.
If you’re not used to having these conversations it may at first feel uncomfortable. But as you practice and hold the larger intention of improving the passion in the relationship, things can really take off!
I encourage you to be willing to get uncomfortable and even bring that to these money conversations with your partner.
You may be surprised by how much more intimacy and connection can happen when you’re choosing to stir things up financially and not just playing out old patterns!