Trust Your Life Partner’s Decisions with Money?

So you're in a long-term relationship, and you keep feeling like you're in the dark about your partner's financial decisions.

Or maybe, you’ve found out your partner has made an important financial commitment without you.

And when you find out, you feel totally blindsided!

You might feel shocked, let down, and disrespected. Especially if you feel you would have made a different decision.

Suddenly, you don’t know if you can trust your partner. Tension and conflict arise, and soon enough, your entire relationship might even come into question.

Sound familiar?

The truth is, if you’re running into this pattern, you and your partner MAY not BE on the same page with money.

At least, not yet.

You might have open conversations and cultivate a partnership in other aspects of your life, but you haven’t yet created the ground for a strong and healthy financial partnership.

So let’s talk about what’s at the root of financial infidelity.

And better yet — what you can do to resolve it and transform your relationship.

Here’s the deal: when one partner finds out the other has made an important financial decision without them, there can be a break in trust.

This is what we call a trust barrier.

Interestingly, oftentimes, the partner who took the financial decision on their own did so because they either didn’t feel it was important OR they didn’t feel their needs were going to get met.

On some level, they felt they couldn't trust their partner, or they felt they would hear something they didn’t want to — and therefore, whether consciously or not, chose not to include them.

This type of money conflict can ignite huge trigger points for both parties.

Unless you’re skilled at handling the complex and intense feelings that come up in these situations, it can be really hard to see beyond your own fears and doubts.

When we hit a trust barrier, it clouds everything we see.

It’s a painful place for couples. And when it’s not addressed head-on, it can threaten the entire relationship.

Look, I get it.

I’m in a partnership, and I know what it’s like to come up against trust barriers.

Trust barriers can be really emotionally challenging — but they’re always an opportunity to heal and create something new together!

I work with tons of couples who hit trust barriers with money, and when they get to the other side, they get to experience what deeper levels of trust can do for their financial partnership.

So, what’s the key to transforming a trust barrier?

Overcoming a trust barrier is all about understanding the deeper roots of why you don't trust.

If you feel a lack of trust arising with your life partner, especially around money, and the feelings are intense, it's most likely coming from historical experiences.

By tracing back to the older experiences, you can begin to build a bridge of trust with your partner based upon what is CURRENTLY happening, and not just reacting because of past experiences.

Trust barriers are bound to come up in romantic partnerships. Especially around money — which is tied to our survival and sense of security.

Not to mention, trusting another person is also LINKED to our brain’s relationship with survival!

In ancient times, we lived off the land with our tribe, and our sense of security was innately tied to trusting others.

On a subconscious level, we still believe that if we can’t trust another person, we won’t survive.

Our primal brain is screaming at us: “You’re not safe! You could die!”

And that’s what happens when we’re in a romantic relationship. Especially as we open to one another deeply and become vulnerable.

This is why we experience a deep sense of betrayal, hurt, and fear when we run into a trust barrier.

But that’s not the only way

Trust barriers are passageways of healing and growth.

They completely transform when you choose to go through them together. And when you’re committed to getting to the other side.

It can be really hard to do without some kind of mediation process which allows both of you to feel safe, seen, and heard.

Mediation can help you build a strong relational container and gain valuable communication skills that will support your partnership over time.

What you’ll discover in the process is that these intense money conflicts are opportunities in disguise.

Ultimately, romantic relationships bring up our early life experiences to help us heal so we can create wealth that’s not only based on material assets, but also on deep levels of connection and trust with our partner.

And if we don’t have real trust and connection, our wealth will always feel like it’s not enough.

By traversing the challenging terrain of your trust barriers together, you’ll gain a whole new perspective on the situation.

And you’ll be surprised to discover a much deeper level of trust and intimacy.

This deepening of trust happens organically as you go through the scary initiation of letting go of your old ideas of what happened to you. Letting go of blame and judgment.

And instead, getting clear on what your needs are, and how to communicate them.

This is what I call “making requests” — agreements that partners make with each other in order to feel safe with one another, and experience more and more trust.

So here’s what I’d like you to remember: you have the power to change the dynamic in your relationship around money.

If you’re ready to break through a trust barrier with your partner, and create an entirely new experience around money, trust, and intimacy, reach out and book a discovery session with me.